On August 27th I will start my first day of classes at Northwest University. It is a long time coming as I graduated from high school 4 years ago. I spent about a year just lollygagging, after that I worked with YWAM for about a year and a half and the last year I’ve spent working with my youth group. Part of me wishes I had gone straight to college after high school. “I’d be graduating this year” and "I’m going to be a 22 year old freshman” are both common thoughts floating in my head. However, when I examine all of the things that have taken place to get me to this point, the sane part of me realizes that this is the way it had to be. I also realize that God has known that since the very beginning.
I spent two months at home after my first five months with YWAM. During that time I was made wildly aware of how badly the youth, whom I am not far removed from, needed discipleship. They even longed for it, but most didn't have anywhere to find it. It was at this point that I first thought about going into youth ministry, but for reasons unknown to me at the time, I quickly put that idea on the back burner. I then returned to Switzerland to spend another three months with YWAM participating in a traveling Bible school. At the end of this course we were required to write a topical study for our final. I wrote mine on discipleship; I learned that the best way to disciple is to be a shepherd (to lead by example, be always watchful to protect your sheep, and to know the condition of your flock.) Upon handing in my topical study my passion and drive to disciple young people was once again kindled.
I spent the rest of my time with YWAM staffing a Discipleship Training School, and then eventually leading a two-month outreach of 11 people to Togo with my friend Sarah. It was during this time that I learned the most about myself- some good things, some bad. First off, I learned that I had the ability to lead and to lead well. God also illuminated many things within me that I hated. I realized that I didn't love well; I am naturally apt to jump to judgment. I had the revelation that only the King can pass down judgment. It was also revealed to me that I have a tendency to be led my emotions instead of by my will. The statement "your feelings are real, but not always true" was never truer to me than then. While I cherish every minute of it, those were two of the hardest months of my life. However, I still came home thinking that I would do it again. I also came home severely burned out; the idea of leading anything seemed tedious.
I came home with the intention of leaving again in two months to be a full-time YWAMer. I immediately started working with the youth group at my church. I was enjoying it, but still thought it was just temporary and didn't want much responsibility. After conversation with Mike and Kari Levang I decided to stay home at least through the summer to help out with our summer wakeboard camp. Still, I had every intention of returning to Switzerland in the fall. As the days burned away and we reach the waning moments of summer, God rocked my world. It was one word that I did not want to hear: "STAY." To me, at that time, To go meant excitement, adventure, new friends and what I thought was my "calling." To stay meant struggle (I would have to earn my living doing one intense, physical job after another). It meant losing the community of believers I had in Switzerland, it meant the hard way to me. However, it also meant becoming part of a whole new incredible community at my church, a community that has come to be a massive influence in my life. It also meant being able to work long-term with the church's youth group. I've been home now for 14 months. I'd be a liar if I said it has all been sunshine and daisies; I've had some very distinct valleys. However, God has guided me out of all of these things with a new hair of wisdom and a badge of knowledge. I have so loved working with this youth group. It is actually become one of the main things I spend my time doing. I've spent much of this year feeling like I was swimming in circles, like what I was doing wasn't enough. But, in true God fashion, he has been rocking my world again over the past two months. The scales have fallen off my eyes and I have seen that God has actually been doing great things through me in both the church and its youth group. I say this not in a conceited way, but the with great gratitude that God has indeed watered seeds that I have thrown down. I find myself once again having this passion to disciple young people being stirred up within my heart, so much so that a raging inferno might just burst out of my chest.
Now that I have begun to yield to this idea of one day becoming a youth pastor, it is becoming clear why I resisted it in the first place: Fear; The fear of such responsibility, also the requirement of preparing and giving a message week in, week out. For a long time God has been continually putting it right in front of me, but for the sake of my fears I've turned a blind eye. I can't do that and more.
I am reading through 1st Samuel at the moment. I just recently came across the part where Samuel was going to crown Saul as the first king of Israel. We read previously in the chapter that Saul had already been anointed as king. When it comes time for Samuel to present him as king, Saul is nowhere to be found. So the people asked "is there a man still to come" and the Lord said "behold, he has hidden himself among the baggage." I asked myself, "Why in the world was Saul hiding behind the bags?" The only conclusion I could find was that he was scared. Imagine that: a man, whom God had already anointed, was afraid of what God anointed him to do. I first thought "that's pretty lame of Saul" then I realized "I am the same as Saul." Right now is when God is calling me out. He's saying "Josh, come on. Baggage, really? You're hiding behind bags? I already anointed you, just stand up and walk in the direction I have pointed you." He's calling me out from behind the baggage to face my fear, which I'm realizing is nothing to be afraid of. So that's what I am doing, I'm coming out of hiding.
I know I'm not the only one. I think it is human nature. My question to you is this: why are you hiding among the baggage? Is it fear? Fear of what? Whatever it is, my encouragement to you is this: push the bags aside, as a matter-of-fact burn the darn bags! Whatever you do, for the love of God, stand up. 1 Samuel 10 goes on to say "When he stood among the people, he was taller than any of the people from his shoulders upward." This might come as a surprise to you but God might just desire for you to be a giant in whatever it is that he has called you to do.
Stand up. Burn the baggage!
